Hanging by a thread
TRIGGERS: Suicide, Depression, Verbal Abuse.
She liked to believe that everything used to be okay, once upon a time, before the pain and trauma which swiftly became her life. Before the tears, she would cry into her pillow at night or under the water when she was in the bath. It helped to disguise the pain. The water surrounding her. It was why she lay in it now, eyes closed with a feeling of tiredness washing over her. A sense of calm, almost.
She tried hard to remember the good memories of childhood, but each of them was tainted with her father, The beatings she would receive, The insults that dripped from his tongue; a venom so toxic that it seeped into her very being- her mind, her soul and poisoned her over time. Drip by drip entered the bloodstream until all that flowed through her veins was self-loathing, and all she breathed was disaster.
Squeezing her eyes shut harder, she tried to drown out the whispers inside her mind. The shadows of her friends and family as they all spoke about a disaster she was in. Mistake after mistake. It didn’t matter how hard Ebony tried- She always managed to destroy everything which came close to her. Friendships were collapsing, hurting those closest to her….Becoming everything she had promised her mother the day she left them she would never become. Yet, it seemed that self-sabotage was somewhat written in the stars for the young woman. A gene passed down from her ancestors to her. A curse passed on from generation to generation…Or, maybe that was yet another excuse to try and ease the pain she felt inside. It seemed like she did that more frequently, lately.
She often caught herself lingering too long. Lingering too long near the edge of the astronomy tower. Lingering too long in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Lingering too long in this life…She tried to find ways to counteract it. She found sleeping potions helped. They knocked her out, allowing her to escape herself for just that little while. Sure, she ended up waking up, realising everything that was lingering over her- all the pain she felt inside. But, for that small moment, she had been free. A high she found herself constantly chasing.
She felt the calmness wash over her even more now, along with the hesitations of what she was doing. She was starting to wonder if this was the right decision. Then fear filled inside of her. She couldn’t stop it now, could she? What was done, was done. And all she could truly do was wait to see what the outcome was…. That’s all anyone can ever do.
Feeling the sleeping potion fully kicking in, Ebony allowed her body to slide down the porcelain tub until she was fully submerged under the water.
Time will tell.
